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Although Blue Collar comedy is probably not at the top of the viewing list for many THOD readers, Jeff Foxworthy is one of the most popular comedians in the US today. For years, his trademark has been the “You Might Be a Red Neck” line of jokes. For example, “If your two year old has more teeth than you do, you might be a redneck.” Although not exactly my type of comedy, some of them are actually pretty funny.
I am working on my own line of comedy called “You Might Be a D-Bag”. Below are some examples of my early work:
*If you wear a wrist band out at night, and you’re not on the way to a pick-up basketball game, you might be a D-Bag.
*If you wear your collar up on a polo shirt, and it’s not because it is raining or cold, you might be a D-Bag.
*If you wear your baseball hat cocked to the side, you might be a D-Bag.
*If you listen to club music and dance while smoking heaters and standing on the beach, you might be a D-bag.
Like I said, this is a work in progress, so I still need to come up with a few more. But I think I am making progress and I might be on to something.
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To follow up on a previous posting by the Hick, the Giambi mustache is gaining more and more fame. The American Mustache Institute officially offered their support for Giambi's All-Star candidacy last week. "It doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that Jason Giambi's hitting prowess plus a fashionable mustache, equals a bona fide All-Star," said Aaron Perlut, Executive Director of The American Mustache Institute. "Giambi's significant first-half production as well as his powerful lip fur – indicating great intellect and good looks – make two very compelling reasons for his place on the American League All-Star roster."
Fact.
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There seems to have been a shift in philosophy of the beach patrol for this summer. Last year, when asking for my tag, I explained to the chief checker that my tag was at my chair. His response: “Go get it, I’ll be waiting here.” My response was obvious: “OK dick head, you wait here. I’ll be sure to run it right back up to you.” (or something like that.) This year, however, after making arbitrary decisions to feel more important, the guys in the trucks no longer offer to “wait here.” Now, when asked for an explanation, they say “I don’t have time to talk to you.” So which is it…are you going to wait for us, or don’t you have time for us? Either way, what has proven to be an effective way to counter the glares from the trucks as they roll by is a long, sustained waive along with a staring contest.
Although Blue Collar comedy is probably not at the top of the viewing list for many THOD readers, Jeff Foxworthy is one of the most popular comedians in the US today. For years, his trademark has been the “You Might Be a Red Neck” line of jokes. For example, “If your two year old has more teeth than you do, you might be a redneck.” Although not exactly my type of comedy, some of them are actually pretty funny.
I am working on my own line of comedy called “You Might Be a D-Bag”. Below are some examples of my early work:
*If you wear a wrist band out at night, and you’re not on the way to a pick-up basketball game, you might be a D-Bag.
*If you wear your collar up on a polo shirt, and it’s not because it is raining or cold, you might be a D-Bag.
*If you wear your baseball hat cocked to the side, you might be a D-Bag.
*If you listen to club music and dance while smoking heaters and standing on the beach, you might be a D-bag.
Like I said, this is a work in progress, so I still need to come up with a few more. But I think I am making progress and I might be on to something.
**********
To follow up on a previous posting by the Hick, the Giambi mustache is gaining more and more fame. The American Mustache Institute officially offered their support for Giambi's All-Star candidacy last week. "It doesn't take a mathematician to figure out that Jason Giambi's hitting prowess plus a fashionable mustache, equals a bona fide All-Star," said Aaron Perlut, Executive Director of The American Mustache Institute. "Giambi's significant first-half production as well as his powerful lip fur – indicating great intellect and good looks – make two very compelling reasons for his place on the American League All-Star roster."
Fact.
**********
There seems to have been a shift in philosophy of the beach patrol for this summer. Last year, when asking for my tag, I explained to the chief checker that my tag was at my chair. His response: “Go get it, I’ll be waiting here.” My response was obvious: “OK dick head, you wait here. I’ll be sure to run it right back up to you.” (or something like that.) This year, however, after making arbitrary decisions to feel more important, the guys in the trucks no longer offer to “wait here.” Now, when asked for an explanation, they say “I don’t have time to talk to you.” So which is it…are you going to wait for us, or don’t you have time for us? Either way, what has proven to be an effective way to counter the glares from the trucks as they roll by is a long, sustained waive along with a staring contest.
**********
Top 5 TV characters of all time (in no particular order):
Omar Little
Michael Scott
Lenny Briscoe
Tony Soprano
Mayday Malone
Top 5 TV characters of all time (in no particular order):
Omar Little
Michael Scott
Lenny Briscoe
Tony Soprano
Mayday Malone
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Baseball is currently experiencing resurgence in Philadelphia. Perhaps this due to the fact that the Phillies finally got off to a good start this season. Or maybe because of the high profiles of MVP’s Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard or All Star Chase Utley. Or, maybe it is do to the boyish good looks of Kid Cole and Handsome Shane. Regardless of the reason, the season thus far has been enjoyable.
Although Phillies baseball is doing well, the league has some work to do. What was previously a fun event, the Home Run Derby this year is a joke. The participants:
Grady Sizemore
Ryan Braun
Lance Berkman
Evan Longoria
Chase Utley
Josh Hamilton
Dan Uggla
Matt Holiday
Although by the numbers some of these guys deserve to be there, this is ridiculous. Evan Longoria has 16 CAREER home runs. No A-Rod? No Howard? Why even bother. I love Utley as much as anyone, but should there really be two second basemen in this? People don’t want to see line-drive homers, they want to see huge towering shots. The line-ups should be as follows:
NL: Howard, Pujols, Fielder, Berckman
AL: A-Rod, Giambi, Thome, and Big Papi
I know some of these guys are hurt, but this would at least make it fun to watch. If you can’t hit 450ft home runs consistently, you’re not allowed in. Otherwise, who cares?
Baseball is currently experiencing resurgence in Philadelphia. Perhaps this due to the fact that the Phillies finally got off to a good start this season. Or maybe because of the high profiles of MVP’s Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard or All Star Chase Utley. Or, maybe it is do to the boyish good looks of Kid Cole and Handsome Shane. Regardless of the reason, the season thus far has been enjoyable.
Although Phillies baseball is doing well, the league has some work to do. What was previously a fun event, the Home Run Derby this year is a joke. The participants:
Grady Sizemore
Ryan Braun
Lance Berkman
Evan Longoria
Chase Utley
Josh Hamilton
Dan Uggla
Matt Holiday
Although by the numbers some of these guys deserve to be there, this is ridiculous. Evan Longoria has 16 CAREER home runs. No A-Rod? No Howard? Why even bother. I love Utley as much as anyone, but should there really be two second basemen in this? People don’t want to see line-drive homers, they want to see huge towering shots. The line-ups should be as follows:
NL: Howard, Pujols, Fielder, Berckman
AL: A-Rod, Giambi, Thome, and Big Papi
I know some of these guys are hurt, but this would at least make it fun to watch. If you can’t hit 450ft home runs consistently, you’re not allowed in. Otherwise, who cares?
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