RIP (Rest in Pond)

As we rejoice in the glory that is another Phillies victory, I have an terrible announcement to make.

My pond at 116 Hermit has expired. It went quickly around 7:30pm tonight. It has lived a good life, enjoying the minnows of the Manayunk Schuylkill living in it for all of 3 days before they were wiped out and taken and by a neighboring cat. (No word on if the cat was Megan's ("eat your nails you pussy") but odds are it was. That bitch.



The pond also provided a good hundred mosquito bites before it was hoisted out of my back yard this eve. Bottom line is this, the pond had to put down due to leakage, that leakage very similar to the one suffered by the individual formerly and currently known as "Milky Whites"

It is at this time I would like to simultaneously announce the retirement of the ponds caretaker, Crazy J. Crazy will move onto other duties in retirement, including searching for internet videos of the cat that ate my fish, as well as legally changing his name to MEOW MEOW. He will also become chairman of the pageant of the bizarre.


If you'd like to enjoy the soothing sound of water, feel free to pick it up, as it resides in my alley way until the biggest day of the week, next Tuesday, garbage day. Because, of course, "a pond would be good for you."



RIP Pond 116

Embarrassing

You've seen the new Big Ten Commerical right?

Amazing? Hilarious? Paterno steals the show, huh???

After a good hardy har and laugh at the ol' boy, guess what, that's what recruits are doing to good ol' PSU.



Think about it.

VIOLATION ODA WEEK

VIOLATION: Leaving a bachelor party early.

Most guys, (sans this contributor) will have only one wedding and thus, one bachelor party. That being said one should not leave the party early for bogus, bo-bo reasons. Your boy needs you there, he does really.

Do a solid, be there for your bud. Have a bud with him. Got somethin else goin on? It can wait. Then go enjoy some great plump ass, white pant style.

EA Picture Oda Week

What a terrific wingspan, Thanks EA.

No Doubles Defense

Who do you enjoy listening to the most?

Something We Can All Agree On

The cavernous divide between us is deep, however there is one thing all blogs can agree on:

Radiohead is so good that it makes Rake mad.

Turn the sound up to 11 on this one:

Triumphant Return

After a brief hiatus / vacation down the shore this past week, THOD is back and better than ever.



During our time of recharging and relaxing, we've noticed a couple things. That other blog that is sometime referenced on this site... well, it flat BLOWS. Pictures of turds in toliets, old balls birthdays, and Mets? Snore, no violent loud snore. That blog has the creatvity of well... its contributors.

THOD reminds you, the loyal reader, that you get nothing but creativity and larger than life features and facts brought to you like no one else can here at THOD.

These scroll grabbers include but are not limited to:

Definition of the Day, You Might Be a Douchebag, EA Picture of the Week, Product of the Week

and introducing a new weekly feature...

VIOLATION

Each week THOD will bring to light an occurrence or act that simply ain't gonna fly in our circles and any circles that you and we may circle in.

Our initial edition of VIOLATION can be sourced directly to a former contributor to this the greatest blog of our time, Stumpleg Shortstride. SS was invited to spend a night and day down the shore this past weekend to celebrate one of his happiest of days.

That being said, the customary procedure in exchange for a nights stay in a rented beach house is a case of Ice Cold Miller Lite at the bare minimum.



Sadly, SS missed the boat yet again, much like he did as a contributor to this, the gold standard of blogging.

Hey Stumpy, you want us to come up to your house and clean it this weekend? Maybe take Dorthy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again?



SS provided nothing to the 246E with the exception of 'extreme hangover', lactose intolerance, and an early exit. THOD violation issued in the highest of grades.

However, it should be noted though that Matt Banbasement / Jimmy Berlutti / Jay Mariotti provided two delicious bottles of Bacardi Rum AND picked up dinner at the Circle Tavern in exchange for his free stay in the AV. Datey, you're welcome in the 246 anytime.



Stumpleg, take heed and take note. You've violated us all.

More sports commentary

Loyal THOD readers may remember it was just a year ago that I wrote about the performance of Billy King as the Sixers’ GM. As you may recall, I wrote that the young guys weren’t playing enough, the veterans were playing too much, and they had no direction. Is it a coincidence Mr. King is no longer a GM in the NBA?

So here we are at the MLB trading deadline. And here we go again.

The Phillies started off on fire, ending a multi-year trend of digging an early whole that forced them to play catch-up the rest of the year. At one point the team was 13 games over .500, and had a 4 game lead on the rest of the division. The playoffs were a foregone conclusion; the only question was “are they good enough to make the World Series?”

Since then, despite a recent 5 game surge, the Phightin’s have been floundering. 15-20 since June 13. The opening-day starter spent a few weeks in AAA. Another member of the rotation has been designated for assignment. The one-time MVP candidate’s average has dropped thirty points; working through a hip injury. The MVP shortstop’s head seems to be somewhere else, showing up late, making base-running mistakes, and seemingly at odds with the manager.

Meanwhile, since the end of last season, other NL contenders have been making bold moves to ensure their teams are fully loaded as they make playoff runs. Here is a look at some of the more high-profile transactions:

The Mets, still seething from the embarrassment of last year’s collapse, signed THE free agent of the year, landing Santana in the off season. Despite his large contract, his numbers are what you would expect from a former Cy Young winner. Johan currently has a 2.93 ERA. His W-L would be even better if he had any run support early on.

More recently, the Milwaukie Brewers traded for CC Sebathia, despite the fact that Ben Sheets was incredible the first half of the season. The Brewers now have the NL All-Star starter and the hottest pitcher in baseball at the top of their rotation.

The Cubs, another likely playoff team, gave their ace, Carlos Zambrano some help adding Rich Harden. (Hardin is currently 5-2, with a 2.1 ERA.). Zambrano, Hardin, Dempster…. Pretty good.

And finally, the Dodgers, who desperately needed some offense to go along with their league leading team ERA traded for one of the best hitters of our era. Head job – yes. Can he hit – yes. Does he make the Dodgers better – absolutely.

So what does our experienced genius do to shake up his team, to get them out of their funk, and keep up with the other NL contenders?

Nothing.

Despite numerous rumors of potential blockbuster trades and glaring holes in the line-up, rotation, and bullpen, the Phillies did nothing. Joe Blanton? He might be fine. But compare the top three Phillies starters to the Cubs top three. Or the top of the Brewers rotation. Can they even be mentioned in the same breath? Of course not. And if the last few weeks have show anything it’s that a team cannot rely on the home-run ball every night. (It is, however, also worth noting that along with their pitching staffs, the Cubs are #1 in team batting, and the Brewers are #8.)

So if adding more pitching isn’t an option, at least make the offense as potent as possible. Bring in Matt Holiday. Put him in right field and have the deadliest line-up 1-5 in baseball. Nope. Can’t do that. The Phillies, and their apologists, argue that you can’t mortgage the future for one deal. Can’t leave the farm system empty.

But that argument makes zero sense. Utley, Howard, Rollins and Burrell were once a young nucleus. But they really aren’t that young anymore. Obviously they still have good seasons ahead of them, but most likely they are peaking now (or, in some cases, have already peaked). How long will this nucleus last? Will Howard ever sign a long term deal with the Phillies? Will Burrell be back next year? With all these questions, shouldn’t the Phillies be selling out now while they have three MVP caliber players plus a young left hander?

Maybe there have been more moves than what appears on the surface. Maybe the Phillies, like the Mets, made their big splash over the off season. Let’s take a look:

2007 Phillies starting rotation:

Freddy Garcia
Brett Myers
Jamie Moyer
Cole Hamels
Jon Leiber

(Eventually Kyle Lohse was brought in and inserted into the rotation, and Kyle Kendrick was brought up from AAA)

2008 rotation:

Myers
Hamels
Moyer
Kendrick
Eaton

Is the 2008 rotation any better? With the exception of Hamels being a year older, no…not at all. In fact, the Phillies decided Lohse was too expensive to resign him…he wasn’t worth the money. Well, our boy Kyle is currently 12-3, with a 3.68 ERA…better than every Phillie, including Hamels.


So there it is. Another wasted season, another year of excuses. Another year of GM’s talking out of their asses, owners unwilling to pay. Another year of possibly sneaking into to the playoffs, only to get pummeled by teams that understand what it takes to win.

The Phillies will win a lot of games this year. Hopefully, they will win the division. Maybe they’ll even win a play-off game or two. I hope they do. But until they decide to buck and compete with the big boys, what’s the point? Even with this lineup, the Phils are, at best, fourth in the NL. And all four teams ahead of them – The Cubs, Brewers, Dodgers and Diamondbacks, all made substantial moves over the past week.

So nice job Pat. I hope the last trade deadline of your career was as memorable for you as it was for me.