New Poll!

In a "supposed" upset, Sun Chips pulled out the victory and shall now be referred to as the Happiest of Snacks. Congrats to a great chip! (my favorite flavor is the harvest cheddar, so good)

Please note: despite any rumors filtering throughout Philadelphia and the south Jersey shore, this result is final. All officially-filed protests have been denied.

Please remember to log on to the blog itself (not the email) and vote in the latest poll!

FINALLY!!!

The life of a Philadelphia sports fan is in constant flux. One day our undercarriages are gently fondled by unlikely heros like Costey coming through in the clutch. The next day, moves by Billy King leave us fealing as if we have just been docked by Lex Steal.

There is one time of year, however, when it is as if the entire Philadelphia sports world is in harmony. When the blazing heat and styfiling huminity is replaced by fresh mountain air that can only be found after a ninety minute ride up the northeast extension.









That is right, my friends, it is officially football season. Camp has started. Come Wednesday, the crisp, serenety pf the mountains of Lehigh will be interupted by Sheldon's monster hits, Trott's barking, and Max Jean-Gilles' farts.







Obviously, not all of the coming year can be previewed in one post on THOD. So today, a few questions will be presented. The answers to these questions could determine if 2008 will mark the return of the Birds to the Super Bowl, or another foot through a deck chair at 824.




There are ample quesitons on both sides of the ball. Offensively, first and foremost, is how will our boy Donny Mac recover from a season ending injury? Will he return to his MVP form, or will he will he crumple again like he was hot by a sack of nickles. If he is hurt again, there is rumor he will be replacing a soon-to-be-retiring-Phanatic.







Secondly, how will Kevin Curtis, Tony Hunt, and the other newcomers fit into the offense? Will these guys fit in well, or will we wish Donte was still an Eagles while we pray Buckhalter's knees hold out?

Third, will the sizequeen who keeps tugging on these guys in the locker room stop with the sports hernias? That may be the biggest question of all.


On defense, I, for one, am very excited about the new linebackers. PS2's Madden 2004 had Spikes ranked as the 3rd best linebacker in the league. I am confident he will return to this form.


Along with Spikes and Trotter, the departure of Jones also leaves an opening on the other side. This leaves a starting job wide open for Gocong, Daniels, or that guy from Nebraska as the starter. Either way, they will be bigger, stronger, and faster.



In addition to the new linebackers, the run defense will also be much improved. The newest Eagle bad-ass (following the likes of Dawkins, Trotter, Runyan, and most recently, the best guard in the NFL, Shaun Andrews) Bunkley will put his dreamy body to better use this year. And along side Ian Scott and Mike Patterson, the interior line will be tough.




A much improved defense, a offense that has some potential, and a body that just wont quit...The 2008 season for the Eagles could be one to remember. If not, we can all just go get something to eat.

Shake It Like a Polaroid Picture

Historical Moments & Handshakes in American and World History...

Dubs....

Tricky Dick and the King...

Goon's boy Ronanld Dumbsfield and Saddam...

Slick Willy plus Yitzak and Yassar

And.....

The Fag and the Hick...

*THOD is now in full support of June 5th 2008. See you in La La land.

This support is dependent upon Bill HeisFag ordering the MLB package so THOD can watch the Phillies while visiting the left coast.

Coste Guard

How great is Costey? 6 RBI in two days - huge homer on Saturday against the Burgers.

Costey's on Fire!

There's no chance he's going to get sent down now to schlub with scrubs like Zags (childhood picture included below - Did you know he starred in Bad Santa) and Sanchez ever again.

With Mad Dog out now, YAH BOY G. Gears has been called back up to fill his spot. I'm sure he's looking forward to more bunk nights like this this at the Public House while #5 always manages to steal the show and Gears's chiggs...

Dear John Lannan,

Tremendous Home Run!

A Little Piece of Cole in Your Stocking...

Many have voiced their opinion to THOD that this blog has too much of a Phillies slant and well.... They're right - THOD realizes that's there are many glorious stories to relay in the "Summer That's Wide Open," such as "Give Me Back My Son!" golf shots and Welcome Center flip cup games, but....



In case you missed it last night... our Fightins pulled one out a thriller against Goon's hapless Nats in the Christmas in July promotion night at the CBP.


The Big Guy went yard in the 14th to win it - but J-Roll came up big flat busting in around the bases in the 9th.

To those true Phillies fans out there though, this contributor poses a couple questions. I'll be the first to admit, I've been a Charlie Manuel advocate all season long, but last night Uncle Charlie made me wonder a little bit.







Why for example did he:

• Bunt Rowand in the 10th?
• Pull Tony Fonseca earlier?
• Use Flash in the 9th?
  
  

Also - although I'm a big Costey guy - what's Jason Werth's status?

How many rehab appearences does Brett Myer need?

Most importantly, where I can meet the right field line ballgirl? She's tremendous - fantastic tan and a set of tits that just don't quit.





I'll be at the Business Person's Special this after - lets hope we can run it to 6 in row.

Go Phils!

That's What She Said Bachelor Party '07!

Young Folk

Kanye West, yah boy, recently took a shot at redoing a great song with a tremendous whistle. Have a listen here.

(courtesy pitchfork)

Poll Results

Congrats to Top Drawer for being voted the best. No surprise there, really. The top drawer is where most folks keep such useful items as the knife and fork, as well as their unmentionables. That's diversity!

To Catch...

A PREDATOR!!!



In breaking news this man only known by the handle "Buddy" was confronted by Dateline NBC's Chris Hanson in a recent sting operation in Pittsburgh, PA while filming his now popular segment "To Catch a Predator."



When approached, suspect "Buddy" claimed he was only meeting a nice young lady for a "bag of Herr chip" and some "pops." Hanson reviewed an online transcript from a recent chat room visit which "Buddy" made. The chat room was titled "Underage P*ssy Burps"...below is part of the transcript:

BuddyBuddy116: "Soooooo, you wanna have some cordials possibly some pops?"
Decoy: "well i dunno im only 14 and my parents said i shouldnt drink"
BuddyBuddy116: "F that Hoss lets have some pops and maybe you could SMD!!"
Decoy: "whats SMD?"
BuddyBuddy116: "You'll find out Chief!"
Decoy: "y do u keep calling me names that arent mine?"
BuddyBuddy116: "Don't worry about that Homes."
Decoy: "so r we gonna meet?"
BuddyBuddy116: "SSSSSSUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssss"

The rest is too graphic to print. Shortly after the meeting with Hanson, "Buddy" was apprehended by the Pittsburgh Police. "Buddy" was later released with all charges dropped as this type of behavior is encouraged in the city of Pittsburgh. (AP)

"If the Moon Was Made Of BBQ Spare Ribs, Would You Eat It?"

Business travel this week takes this Happiest of Days contributor to Chicago which of course is home to baseball's lovable losers (not your Phils), the Chicago Cubs.

Although we have our very own Hall of Famer in Harry the K, who in my humble opinion is the greatest broadcaster of all time,

the Cubs for many years had their own, Harry the C. "C" of course stands for Caray, and his was nothing short of tits. The guy was top notch, top drawer, and top shelf, and is credited as being the first to sing "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the 7th inning stretch.

http://www.powermaxconsulting.com/harrycaray.htm

His best quote: "Booze, broads and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?" As well as: "Aw, how could he (Jorge Orta) lose the ball in the sun, he's from Mexico."

Below find Will Ferrel's rendition in two of his best skits during his SNL tenure.

http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/32233/detail/

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/id/2381122025

Cubs Win!

The Happiest of Polls

Tremendous addition to the Happiest of Days - a weekly poll! Please check in often and cast your happiest of vote in the upper right hand corner of the blog. Participation is strictly voluntary; feel free to suggest topics for future polls in the comments section or by emailing happiestofdays@gmail.com. Perhaps your poll question will be there in the weeks to come.

Glass Half Phull?

After what has seemed like an eternity, the Phils are Phinally back tomorrow night against the hapless Cards and their tight-panted drunk of a manager.



That being said.... (from philly.com)

Five reasons to plan for October baseball:

Brett Myers hasn't pitched since May 23, but he could be back after the Phillies return from their seven-game trip through Los Angeles and San Diego. His presence would shore up a bullpen that has provided plenty of headaches for manager Charlie Manuel.

Tom Gordon hasn't pitched since May 1, but he could be back this weekend against St. Louis. He also would help the beleaguered bullpen.

If general manager Pat Gillick can acquire a competent starter, he will improve a rotation that has been inconsistent at best.

The National League East is flawed. The New York Mets practically have asked the Phillies and Atlanta Braves to take the title from them.

For whatever reason, in the last two seasons, the Phils have played better in the second half under Manuel. They had a .506 winning percentage at the break in 2005, but played .589 the rest of the way. They had a .460 winning percentage at the break last season, but played .600 the rest of the way.

Five reasons to plan for a golf or trip to Goon's in October:

The bullpen.

The rotation.

The Mets are much better than they have shown.

The Phillies don't have the talent to make a big trade.

Did we mention the pitching?

Ahoy!

Clearly the best commercial on TV right now (right behind Red Stripe Creepy Foot Doctor),

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2S_UOHlueY




is the Old Spice "Hungry Like A Wolf" campaign. If you've missed it, chegg it on yougoon.com or find the link below.






In touch with the ground
I'm on the hunt I'm after you
Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd
And I'm hungry like the wolf
Straddle the line,
in discord and rhyme
I'm on the hunt
I'm after you
Mouth is alive
with juices like wine
And I'm hungry like the wolf


The Piano being named "Ahoy" is also top notch.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yg6bZSM48vU&mode=related&search=

This Week's Sign That The Apocalypse is Upon Us

http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/underdog/

Finally!

Glad to see my boy Benedict finally take a stand and speak out against the WASPs. Hopefully now, when they're on their way to their well-financed churches to "practice" Catholicism-lite and persecute good citizens, more Protestants will realize they're not officially endorsed by the big guy.

Go Benedict!

Mmm... delicious!













Go Catholics!

Countdown to 40,000?

As many of you know, our local 9, the Phillies, will soon be "celebrating" a dubious achievement, being the first franchise to successfully drop 10,000 games.

If your not familiar with this topic, and for more fabulous reading, please visit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philadelphia_Phillies

But what many of you might not have know is that one of our favorite friends will likely be celebrating a similar dubious achievement most likely sooner than later.





Our boy the Cook, aka Ace Smallcock, will likely suck down his 40,000th heater in illustrious career of smoking that THOD estimates began sometime around the college-freshman age of 18 coupled with an insurmountable amount of fountain soda (sans diet coke) and McDonald #1's -supersized of course.






For you numbers geeks out there, (Fan McHarold) heres how THOD has come to this calculation. Cookie has been smoking approximately 3,630 a year for the past 11 years. (That comes to a little less than half a pack a day - we know - THOD's being generous on this estimation)

Cook: "Buddy, I don't smoke that much, I do about a, two on the way to work, two at lunch, two on the way home from work, three at night"

3,630 heaters * 11 years = 39,930 spectacular sticks of smoke.

That means that sometime over the next week Cookie will hit that magic number of 40,000. THOD thought it would be fitting and is counting on it mirroring another special day, Friday the 13th (7/13/07).

So as you raise your heater with your Miller Light or Crown and Coke next weekend, pull an extra puff for Ace Smallcock. He's smoked more than a Pine Barrens forest fire disaster.





Congratulations Cook!

P to the S: For other accomplishments equaling 40,000 please log onto:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/06/18/1954113.htm

Succos

These fans participated in a walkout in Pittsburgh the other night to protest the awfulness of the Pirates … or at least that’s what everyone else is telling you. I think they’re still embarrassed about those ugly red vest jerseys.

Sources close to THOD are citing that a certain Goon was in actually in attendance at said game. He couldn't seem to figure out why said Pirates fans would empty there lunchbag to wear on their heads. He jumped at the chance to grab another - you guessed it - "Sack Lunch"

Love the "SUCCOS" bag though...

-That's what she said.

Phinally!

Although we only took 1 out of 4 from the Mets, and I was lucky enough to be there Sunday as YAH BOY J-Roll delivered, as well as YAH BOY Chase did with a big 2 out triple in the 7th.

I'll continue to say it, Chase very well could and should be the MVP. He is nothing short of, well, TITS!

Another thing I know is this, and it was proved to me in person on Sunday, although they may be 5 games up, the New York Met fan continues to prove to me that they are the ugliest people on the face of the earth, both inside and out.

Many of you have heard me relate or compare them to at best as a gnat or a turd, and that's being kind.

I truly believe that Mets fans were the kids that your friends tripped when they walked down the hall, the kid that ate by himself at lunch, and the kid that picked and ate his boogies without shame.

They have bad teeth, bad hygiene, bad hair, everyone of them have scars from a bout with acne in some point in their lives, and boy, do they love wearing that ugly jersey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCFQ7Dm-ZTc

Do us all a favor huh? Make the world a better place and the next time you see one, punch a Mets fan in the face.

Your typical Mets fan? How about this guy. He loves the Mets. He fits the sterotype to at perfect T.

I hate him more than poison.

Lastly, for the one or two ladies that subscribe, its interesting to know that YAH BOY, #5 has finished first in something other than patheticness.

Take a look at the following link...

http://ladiesdotdotdot.wordpress.com/