Defintion of the Day

Hank Moody (noun) - He's back in new episodes of Californication on September 28th! Encore presentation of Season 1 begins August 11th.



"Now, you're giving me that look like I finger-banged your cat" - Hank Moody

The Phils and First Place

Reunited... and it feels so good.

Definition of the Day

Shameless Use of T & A (noun) –

Catherine of philly.com’s web series "Down the Shore" shows off a pair of great examples every episode.

Click here to watch every riveting episode!

EA Pic Oda Week

As a follwo up to Yodest Lee, here's our EA weekly glipse into her greatness.

In this snapshot, we wonder what's running though our favorite field reporters brilliant mind as she reported from Shea this night... "Did I squirt too much on D. Wright last night??? Who cares I'm Keith Hernandez... no I'm EA, that line was from Seinfeld classic...Wait, what's that taste in my mouth? Am I tasting my own squirt??"

Here's to you EA, seven days until we see you on our blog again.

How Will You Spend Your STAYcation?

Shark week!


Get optioned to the minors




















Display your ignorance













Wear sweatpants in public


















Too bad you won't have any time to do that, since you'll be too busy Googling EA!

Buddy, Buddy...

A Big shout out to the Big Cookie. Those of us at THOD had you in our thoughts over the weekend and glad to hear all is well as can be.



In other news we didn't have Matt Banbasement in our thoughts, most certainly not, and if we did, we would probably would have pictured this...

Panda Watch?? No Fanny Watch!

Ron Burgundy: Let's go to Brian Fantana who's live on the scene with a Channel 4 News exclusive. Brian?
Brian Fantana: Panda Watch. The mood is tense; I have been on some serious, serious reports but nothing quite like this. I uh... Ching... King is inside right now. I tried to get an interview with him, but they said no, you can't do that he's a live bear, he will literally rip your face off. [to the Panda]
Brian Fantana: Hey, you're making me look stupid. Get out of here, Panda Jerk.
Ron Burgundy: Great story. Compelling, and rich.



"I don't have any preferences: I could choose a team that offers me the best conditions or one in the chase for the postseason. I don't care where I play, I can even play in Iraq if need be. My job is to play baseball." -Fanny



Rumors are Rampant that those war-like conditions may exist here:







In other news, more Fannies!

PATRON? You betcha!!

8-6 Win, First Place Philadelphia Phillies

Wolf Crack

Looks like our past Phillies GM and Current Astro GM, 'Ol Boy, was out working the phones making the same type of blockbuster trades he did when he was here in the PHL.

This time he cursed the 'Stros with by picking up no other than former Phillie and Penn State occasional tailgater, Wolfie.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3499705



In other Phillie news.. Naked Phantic!!! Uh Nuh!!

Holy Staple Gun, Batman?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/celebritynews/2445620/Batman-actor-Christian-Bale-released-after-assault-allegation-arrest.html

Say it ain't so!

Noteable from the article:

A statement issued through Bale’s lawyers said: “Christian Bale attended a London Police station today, on a voluntary basis, in order to assist with an allegation that had been made against him to the police by his mother and sister.

“Mr Bale, who denies the allegation, co-operated throughout, and left the station without any charge being made against him by police.”

Bale was born in Haverfordwest, Pembrokeshire, South Wales, in 1974. His mother was a circus clown and dancer and the actor grew up in a hippy environment.

In an interview three years ago Jenny said: "I was a dancer in the circus for a while. Christian didn't perform but he often watched me.

"I think he loved all the excitement and acting just happened after that. We were always surrounded by animals too. We'd take in every stray cat and dog, so it was quite mad."

Definiton of the Day (Bonus Edition!)

Running and Hiding (verb)-
See, Billy Wagner claiming "shoulder spasms" with the Phils-Mets series looming.

antonyms: one path swinging

Definition of the Day

Grade A Bologna (noun)-
A colloquialism, commonly referring to something not true, not worthwhile, or off-base. Examples include other blogs and the opinions of all the d-bag Met fans who chimed in on Jayson Stark's online debate on the NL East.

http://sports.espn.go.com/chat/chatESPN?event_id=21637
(photo: http://www.the700level.com/)

New Feature: Creeps of the Day

537 Times, 537 Times



http://www.philly.com/philly/hp/news_update/20080722_Mendte_faces_a_felony_count.html

9 Times, 9 Times



GRAAAACCEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Would you like to go to dinner with me....tonight???

SVP and our own and Easton's own GSP...





Who knew they had so much in common?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5a4p3x091A&feature=related

Nightly Lions

Your Penn State Nittany Lions will play 3, count em 3, games under the lights this fall all at 8pm.


These include:

9/27 @ home against future Nittany Lion Head Coach Zooker and his high-flyin ILLINI



10/11 @ Wisconsin, home of the real best damn band in all the land
10/25 @ Goon's favorite team, OSU Suckeyes

Also please note this, as of this posting 2, count em only 2, games are scheduled to kick off at noon, a time slot that usually gives our Nits the bo-boest of bo-bo tv personalities.

Make your MAD RIVER and BUFFALO BILLIARD plans now!

The Biggest Night of the Year

On Tuesday our Phils with some local fans in tow including yours truly, Fan McHarold, DJ Stupid and hated Met fan Matt Banbasement will visit that toliet known as Shea to see our Fightins get back their sole share of first place.

Look for us down the right field foul line with Datey sitting in seat #1.



Just so you know Datey, we're bringing Big Boy and the D ohhhh Dubble G with us.



Your army of Met '93 Acuras turds don't stand a chance.

Erin Andrews Pic Oda Week

She's American as Apple Pie (or laptops perhpas).

Here's to you, EA, and the way you proved to be the only thing worth watching at the ESPY's last night.




No one does terry cloth better than you.

New Feature: Product of the Week

Designed for Dave Zabriskie (DZ) by a pharmaceutical scientist to reduce and relieve chafing, irritation, and protect fragile perineal skin from bacterial and fungal infections. Formulated for real and synthetic chamois

For more on how to "protect your junk" goto: http://deadspin.com/5027221/use-dznuts-your-scrotum-will-thank-you

Definition of the Day

Douchebag (noun) -
No definition needed, after hearing this perfect example of douchebaggery

via www.holytaco.com

Okay... Chris....

The Shark didn't win the Open, but he did win this...

If it was up to YAH BOY Jim Romey though, he would have won this...

As an aside, it has been confirmed that these exact shorts were worn by Steve Phillip's BFF at the Windrift at the AV on Sunday.

Chabbaaahhh!!!!

Game of the Week

So good in every way. Congrats to Len Clergy new and reining Champine. Isn't it amazing?

How Does it Feel?

When there's no place you'd rather be than the AV?



Where in the air tonight, and every night, is nothing short of sensational.

Here's to the Magic Richardson to making this, the best 9 seconds of drumming, even better.

New Feature: Definition of the Day

This post marks the launch of a new feature titled "Definition of the Day". Our first installment: flash in the pan.

Flash in the pan (noun) -
Something which disappoints by failing to deliver anything of value, despite a showy beginning.

This metaphoric term alludes to the 17th-century flintlock musket, which could be fired only when the flash of the priming powder in the lockpan ignited the charge in the bore. When it failed to ignite, there was only a flash in the pan and the gun did not shoot (via answers.com).

[Please note: while informative, the Definition of the Day may prove to be our most passive-aggressive regular feature]

What an Incredible Day!

The reason for this is because after all the reshuffling, reorganizing, I couldn't be happier and proud to be the General Manager of THOD.

It is no doubt that today was a challenging day, I watched what was once a close friend, Ace Smallcock, aka Big Cook, turn his back on myself and this great institution we have come to know as THOD.

But I'd first like to address the Stumpleg Situation, or whatever handle he now chooses to go by now. Honestly, I wished I would have fired him months ago. He was a joke, a fraud, and an embarrassment to this noble cause, a true RAKE in every way. See this picture??? Its a cat going after his balls, but to its surprise, it found out just like everyone else does. Stumpleg doesn't have any.

He was and will continue to be a flat disgrace and non-factor in blogging. Before you know it, he'll be the Kenny Lofton of blogging appearing on a new blog every month, a cancer in the bloghouse if you will.

I'll now be brief in addressing the Smallcock situation. His hiring was a lack in judgement in my part, an utter mistake. I apologize for my lapse to the organization and I wish him nothing but the best in his future endeavors.

I also would like to make something else very clear. I WISH TO HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT WITH SMALLCOCK, BIG COOK, EVER AGAIN. Let these words ring true throughout the halls of State College, Manayunk, and Charlotesville. One thing as a General Manager and as a person, you can ask anyone, that I am both a very loyal blogger and friend and most importantly a man of honor.

For example, with Stumpleg I personally reached out to him before I alerted the media regarding his dismissal in a professional and personal manner. We also discussed with him in prior occasions that he needed to increase his presence on our blog. It didn't happen. This being said it was still one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make, since my loyalty to Stumpleg as a friend and a contributor was very strong. But I had to do what was best for the blog I felt I went about it the right way, and for any mistakes I made along the way, I'll live with and remember for the next time.

Smallcock did nothing of the sort and just abandoned his friend and for the record, his favorite fans in the executive board of this blog. I also tried to reach out to Smallcock today to discuss this man to man, and of course received no answer or call back. For this I will never forget or forgive. There's no personal attack here, I've just decided to do what I do every Sunday here in Manayunk and take him out with the garbage, to not see that piece of ungrateful trash ever, never again.

To quote Cush's dad in Jerry Maguire, I'll stay true to my word, for "it's strong as oak," in my the expiration of both my blogging relationship and friendship with Smallcock. For if I abandon it I know I will suffer the consequences including "Cush lash, cush lash, cush lash cush lash"

To do this I know it will take discipline, but, "Discipline is not a dirty word," in the great words of Pat Riley. I will discipline myself to remove Smallcock out of my circle permanently.

Now, even briefer, I'll address that other blog, CHOAD. Look the reality is that when you are continuously Armitron rated number one there will always be people gunning for you. That's life.

The truth is, it will only make our blog a stronger blog, providing you, the great reader with the exclusive stories, late breaking news and insights that we always have. I look forward to CHOADs postings and events, for everyone needs a disgusting, dirty, smelly 612 South Allen to go to every once and a while to let off a little steam. For you can trash and laugh about it, maybe miss the toilet "accidentally" when you take a piss, then realize how glad you are that you aren't a permanent resident there. Basically you then go back to a clean, honest, normal life.

So best of luck, SKIPS. What's the headline news today, a HUB lawn update, VIVA Don Knots, perhaps???? Where in the World is Jon Fornal? Puke.

I'd also like to address the status of our executive board here at THOD. Its been widely reported that there is turmoil and tension between us. This couldn't be further from the truth.

Our relationship is a strong as ever and we look forward to the future postings of our current staff and great new contributors.

Now let's get back to business!

Please feel free to contact me with any questions, unlike otherwise stated, I am always available.

Incredibly, Incredible Hick

In keeping with the high degree of integrity that we have come to expect from THOD founder, Yoder Lee addressed the Ace Smallcock issue with a level of class only he can achieve.

I, however, have no intention of treading so lightly.

It is not often that an unqualified, barely literate, very Average Joe gets a chance of a lifetime: An opportunity to shake the long-standing perception that he is nothing more than an over weight, middle aged, balding used car salesman and that he can actually add value to at least a small segment of society. Despite all of our better judgment, we offered that opportunity. It is no wonder we ended up here today.


Should we be surprised? Probably not. This is a man who slept with a blow-up doll for the better part of two years because he had no other companionship. A man who has taken the all enjoyment THOD has offered over the years, but when duty called, turned his back. A man who would take off his pants in public just to get a cheap laugh.

A man who has paid off debts with a porcelain dog statute.

Is he to blame? Probably not. It is our fault for having a little faith that someone would actually appreciate what is done for him. It is our fault that we failed to acknowledge the past; we hoped there would be a different future. Our fault for caring about someone who is so selfish.

And where is he going? Where are the greener pastures he so longs to join? A rag developed by misfits and outcasts. The National Inquirer to our New York Times. A place where stupidity, lack of participation, zero creativity, and an ongoing acceptance of mediocrity is not only the norm, but is the standard. Even the name is a way to get a cheap laugh. Guess what… it’s really not that funny.

So enjoy yourself, Ace. But as you are giving the lil peanut a lil tug while giggling at your idiotic posting that an 8th grader would find stupid, just remember the peanut wouldn’t be working if it weren’t for your friends at THOD: a TV, a DVD, and the aforementioned blow-up doll.

THOD will clearly move on. In fact, Mr. Smallcock was nothing more than an anchor anyway. Addition by subtraction. For as Alec Baldwin once stated in one of the greatest movies ever made, “You can't [write] shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!... We should have fired your fucking ass because a loser is a loser.”

Good day.

Pertaining to Ace Smallcock's Most Recent Post

It is with much regret that I apologize to the loyal readers of The Happiest of Days for the recent addition of interim contributor Ace Smallcock.

As hindsight has proven once again to be 20/20, we are only now realizing that Ace Smallcock severely lacks the integrity necessary to be a contributor to this blog. We consider The Happiest of Days to be the gold standard, however our repuation has taken a deep blow due to Smallcock's behavior. And for that, I apoligize.

Much worse than unacceptable, his actions are reprehensible. While he may be welcomed with proverbially open arms at that other blog, there is absolutly no room on this staff for contributors with a such a lack of character as Ace Smallcock has displayed. I welcome the competition, if you can call it that. Imitation may indeed be the highest form of flattery, but to do so in such a juvenile fashion is just pathetic. Really.

Regards,
Yoder Lee

Interim status my A$$

Due to the blatant disrespect from a most recent THOD Press Release, I the Big Cookie, will be leaving THOD and moving over to THOAD. I would also like to point out, the handle "Ace Smallcock," is not recognized by this contributer as a valid alias. THOD's business plan has been flawed since the beginning, which I solely blame it's executive board for. Already skeptical, I hesitantly joined THOD this week. When my posts were deemed "weird," it really was the straw that broke the camel's back. I look forward to joining a team of bloggers who share equally in my passion and sense of respect for the common man. "Could have been so beautiful, could have been so right." - You said it Tiffany!

That Cole Kid...

THOD's favorite Thespian, Fancy Pants, returns to the small screen. He can be seen everyday on the home of THOD's favorite show, "How I Met Your Mother," CBS. (Love the chigg in the black dress btw).




Fancy, aka Cole, final appearence on "As the THOD Turns" will be on Monday, July 21st and will be worth tuning in to see the following:






1) confess to killing my girlfriend and our unborn child with a syringe
2) shoot a nurse while attempting to steal drugs. before shooting her, I say, "Bad answer bitch."
3) kidnap a 50 year old woman, tie her to a chair, throw a table, and put a strangle hold on her
4) shoot up with a syringe
5) get tackled from behind and then put into a cop car. Bye Bye Cole!





And we thought a weekend in the AV was living the high life - Go Get'em Cole!