Rubbery Hangdown: Hello?
Incredible Hick: Get out of here, what are you doing?
RH: Just a few questions, if you will.
IH: I will
RH: How are you?
IH: I’m doing incredibly well.
RH: These questions won’t take too long.
IH: Ah – the executive.
RH: Sure. Anyway…Over the past few months, you have written numerous columns that most other people in the world would disagree with. Most notably, your top five list of hottest ladies in Hollywood. Is it because of your own sub-par looks that you are attracted to sub-par women?
IH: Indeed. I have found that if I consistently focus on a woman who is well past her prime, such as Sandra Bullock, the incredibly remote chance that I might meet her increases by a very small percentage. Further, when talking about someone like Jennifer Love Hewitt, who has been forgotten and out of the spotlight for so long, I thought I might ignore all notions of what “attractive” is, and bring her back to the forefront. The fact that she wasn’t even that great on Party of Five has not discouraged me.
RH: Interesting. Very strange, but interesting. In addition to infatuations with rediculous actresses, you also seem to like terrible movies. Why do you think movies like Summer Catch and Fever Pitch appeal to you, but very few other males?
IH: I have very little awareness of what a normal guy would like. So I try to cover myself by just automatically liking anything pertaining to baseball, whether it is good or not.
RH: I see. So if you had to choose between spending an evening with Drew Barrymore and Jessica Biel at a bar; or Jimmy Fallon and Freddie Prinze Jr. at a minor league baseball game, what would you choose?
IH: Buddy! We both know the answer to that one.
RH: Of course. You have said numerous times that your favorite non-baseball athlete is Carl Banks. What is it about Carl that you like?
IH: His high socks. They were always great. Depending on the uniform, he always had either the high white or the high blue. Both tremendous. Plus…his name is CARL!
RH: Speaking of which – You seem to be obsessed with the following things: High socks, trombones, and the name Carl. Why?
IH: I find that high socks go with anything. I try to wear them as much as possible. As for Carl, my first true love was named Carl, so I guess the name always just stuck in my heart.
RH: And the trombones?
IH: I love the feel of a good shaft going in and out.
RH: This interview is over!
IH: I am about to take a shower…you don’t want to ask more questions?
RH: No.
IH: You’re not taping this, are you?
RH: No, no…never.
(Author’s Note – initially, this idea sounded good in my head. When it got to paper, it lost something. But since any story is better than no story…)
No comments:
Post a Comment