Dude, where's my copy of Seymour Butts #7?

Why did the Eagles just give away Dante Stallworth? It's kind of like the guy at senior dinners who stands on the table, while steaks get flung wildly around the room and other seniors yell to give him some fuckin respect, and gives away his porn collection to an underclassman. What is that guy thinking - he's not going to need his porn once he graduates and moves to a house in Manayunk with a basement that smells like gas and a toilet that constantly runs?? He's already familiar with his porn and knows it's dependable. Stallworth already knows the Birds offense, a system that is supposedly difficult to grasp, and he's performed well as a dependable deep threat. Meanwhile, the Pats get another good receiver - just like a younger guy with his own porn assortment. And the Eagles go out and sign a wide receiver who's unproven after 4 seasons in the league and happened to score one of the highest marks ever on the wunderlick test. Buddy, good luck with the new DVDs you just picked up at Risque in Southwest. Hopefully those 72 hours of action are well worth it!